A Christmas tale (sorta)

This has nothing to do with SL, but it's something that happened to me in RL and it gave me such a laugh at the thought of what will happen to some dad's on Christmas Eve I just had to share it.

Part of my RL involves setting up displays in various stores. One of my tasks for this year was to build a dolls house to go on display. After I'd finished I thought about all the poor fathers who will be putting this together on Christmas Eve, after their little girl has gone to bed. This is what will happen.

Ok. We have a flatpacked dolls house in a box. First thing - get it out of the box. So that's a bit of a tight fit. After shaking the packaging you eventually end up with - another box with a dolls house in. This is extra tightly packed so after a few attempts dad gives up and rips the box off. He's now sitting with several bits of wood and lots of ripped up cardboard. We'll come back to the box later.

Dad takes a sip of vodka and start to identify the pieces. Those 2 have slates on them - they must be the roof. They're pointed - they're the side walls. Those are the doors. 2 brown bits with holes? Ah, the floors with room for the stairs. And 2 bases? Dad then looks at the plan and the 2 square bits. Panel A and Panel D. Ok so the plan will say where they go. 'Screw Side A to the base'. Oh right that helps. Which is the base! After a sip of vodka and much looking where holes are drilled, Dad eventually identifies the base. The other bit gets put to one side for now.

So side A is now screwed to the base. Next to screw the floors to the side. Well that's easy enough, they're both the same. Oh. One of the screws doesn't have anything drilled out of it to screw it with. And there's no spare one. Hmm. Dad then stops and thinks. Ok, so he leaves the bottom screw out and he'll worry about it later. Looking good already. Next, screw the other side to the base and the floors. Dad stops and looks and has a celebratory sip of vodka. Next - screw a small metal plate to the middle floor. ?? Ah - of course. That's where the doors clip to. Ok so where are the holes. Dad then looks at the plan and the floor and the metal clip. Then he looks again.

Dad then gets the screwdriver and undoes Side 2, and the 2 floor pieces, and puts them all back together again. One of the floor bits had 2 very tiny little holes for the metal clip, but the plan never said that. Right, that's the clip sorted.

Dad has a quick sip of vodka and looks what's next. Screw the hinges on the house and then to the doors. Well, that's fairly easy. Dad looks for screw P. He needs 6 of those. After working out which way round the hinges go, he sets about screwing the hinge to the wall of the house. Damn but these screws are small. He tips the house on it's side and eventually manages to get all 3 screws in. (After stopping several times to pick them up off the floor where they keep flying off). Dad then has another sip of vodka and steels himself to do the other side. Eventually the hinges are on the house. Next to attach the hinges to the door! Oh dear. Dad takes a sip of vodka and tries to work this out. With one hand he needs to hold the door against the hinge, while holding the screw with the other, and the screwdriver with another? Ok that won't work. Time to get reinforcements. Dad takes a sip of vodka and calls for mum.

Mum arrives and holds the door in place for dad to screw the hinges on. Just 3 little screws. 3 very little screws. 3 very fiddly little screws which keep flying out on the floor. After several attempts the door is now attached by 2 screws. (One of them flew off somewhere). Dad then looks at the other door and realises he's got to screw that one on now. Dad takes a big sip of vodka and steels himself. After lots of swearing and looking on the floor, they finally have the doors on the front. Mum wanders back to wrap presents and dad sits and looks at the house. Nearly there! Dad then takes a huge sip of vodka in celebration.

Next is to screw the back on. Oh - so that's what the other base was - the back! Well that makes sense. On goes the back. Just the roof left. Dad eventually realises that the 2 windows he's been looking at screw in to the holes in the roof. Well that's easy enough. Oh Phew, these are screw Q, they're bigger. Dad has another sip of vodka and finally looks forward to going to sit down.

JUst the roof to go now. Next step - oh no! Screw hinges to the roof. And Dad can't rest the roof flat because he's just screwed to windows in to it. Dad takes a sip of vodka and calls mum. Mum's now a bit fed up because she's trying to wrap last minute presents and keeps getting interrupted.

After a few minutes struggling with one screw Dad ponders whether contraception would have been a good idea! but no, he promised his little princess a dolls house and she's damn well getting one. After several more attempts to find screws under the table, the hinges are on the roof. Just 2 screws left!

Mum goes off to finish the presents and Dad takes a huge sip of vodka. Just line up the holes on the roof with the holes in the side. Erm. Line up the holes............... At which point Dad hits the roof. Mum comes rushing in to see what's happened. Yes that's right. After spending 2 hours putting together a simple little dolls house, Dad discovers that the holes in the roof don't line up with the holes they're supposed to. Not only that but they're not even close. One set overhangs by a good half an inch. In short, there is no way the roof will go on. Dad then sits back and finishes the vodka in one swig.

So as long as his daughter doesn't touch the back where the screw is missing, or touch the roof then it's fine. It's wonderful! It'll do! And soon as the shops open it's going straight back.............. Dad then looks at all the bits of cardboard where he ripped the box open.

At which point Dad just gets the bottle of vodka, fnishes it off and goes down the pub. And this is what really happened to my dolls house:)